PASTOR, I LOVE HIM, BUT CAN I CONTINUE?
It is 8 a.m. on Monday morning.
Puting the key into the key-hole of my church office door, I heard a voice behind me, ‘Good morning, Pastor’.
I had now become accustomed to that voice. It was Tola , a committed member of our church.She has just finished her weekend calls.She looks scared, tired and exhausted.
‘What could be wrong again’, I asked myself.
A senior resident with the department of Obstetrics and Gyneacology in the University Teaching Hospital, she had already told me earlier that she will be on call that weekend,so I was not surprised when I did not see her in church the sunday before. But hearing her voice that morning did nothing but surprised me because she was the last person that I expected to see in my counselling session of that day.
Turning around and sighting her, I responded with a smile,’Sister Tola, Good morning’.’Come in’.
Tola has a always been ambitious since she finished high school. Even though she went to school in a rural area, where there were no qualified teachers, except some couple of youth corp members which the government sends to the school, she made up her mind that that will not be a hinderance for her to becoming a doctor. At the age of 21, she had completed her housemanship. And that was when I knew her. Despite her busy schedule as a young doctor, she always came to church.
She lost her mother at the age of eight to complications of child birth and that made her determined that she was going to be a doctor that will help women. Tola was the first child in a polygamous family and despite the hatred and hardship experiences of her childhood , she did well in school.
‘Pastor am scared of going home’, she sobbed as she sat down in the sofa in my office. ‘I don’t feel secured with him any longer’, referring to her husband.
Still crying,’He has turned to a beast’,she said.’He beats me at every slightest provocation. I love him but I am afraid he might kill me.’
She had met this young man 4 years earlier in the church, rich and also committed. Tope was the dream man every lady would desire. An engineer, working in one of the high paying multinational oil companies in town. No one would have envisaged that the once caring and loving gentle man would change for whatever reason some few years into their marriage.
He keeps telling me that he regrets marrying me. ‘You are a man and I can’t continue living with you in this house.’ ‘ It is better you go, so that a real woman can come in and give me a baby.’
They have been married now for over four years and Tola has never conceived for once.
‘Pastor, what do I do?’ She asked.
Let us pray for God’s direction’ , I said. Apparently not satisfied with my response, she bowed her head however.
After the prayers, I wanted to console her and tell her to be strong and keep believing God for a miracle but it was glaring from Tola’s look that she was tired of hearing that from me. I have always been encouraging her to keep trusting God in our numerous counselling session.
Initially when the pressure started mounting on them, we had gone through the various medical options available to them during the counselling sessions with the couple . Tola had always cooperated but Tope had always insisted that there was nothing wrong with him. He claimed he once impregnated a girl when he was in his final year in university.
‘Where is the child,then?’ I asked.
‘The girl terminated the pregnancy because we were both not ready to be parents then.’ He said.
Tope had gone through all sorts of medical investigations ranging from from hormone assays to hysterosalpingram etc and none of it showed any abnormality. Even though all indicators point to Tope as the culprit in this problem, he remains the bully and the uncooperative one .
What do you think Tola should do? Should she leave Tope and start a new life with another man or should she continue to endue the abuse?
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